All The Tips For Telling Your Family You’re Eloping

If you recently got engaged, or even if you’ve just been in a relationship for a long time, chances are your friends and family are probably going to be expecting Save The Dates at some point. But what if you’ve decided to elope? Save The Dates aren’t typically something you send out when eloping, even if you do choose to invite a few people. So how do you tell your family you’re eloping and avoid the passive-aggressive “joke” of “I haven’t gotten my invitation yet”?

First of all, I wanna just say whether or not your tell your family is totally up to you. Everybody’s family dynamic is different. But even without me being super close to my family, this was still something I found to be a bit challenging when my husband and I decided to elope! You don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings, of course. But you also don’t want anyone to try to sway your decision or make you feel guilty for it. Trust me, I totally get it.

That’s why I wanted to put together this blog post. To help you plan a little better and feel way more prepared and confident than I did going into the conversation! Here are some of my tips for how to tell your family you’re eloping:

Start talking about it early.

My first tip when it comes to how to tell your family you’re eloping is to talk about it early. The best way to do that is to first start talking about it with your future hubby/wifey. Talk about what you both want and envision for your wedding day. Where do you want to be married? What do you want to do on your wedding day? Do you want anyone else there or want this to be a moment just the two of you share?

Once you have an idea of what you’re both looking for and what your plan is, then it’s time to start telling your family! It’s important to share a simple explanation as to why eloping is the best choice for you two so that they can better understand. Maybe it’s the experience, the freedom and flexibility, the cost, the significantly less stress, or literally all of these things!

You can’t control how they react. But you can get a little ahead of them plotting out expectations so it comes as less of a shock. My husband and I got married the month after we got engaged. And that was also only six months after knowing of each other’s existence. I literally met his family the day before we got married. So take it from me, if you have this advantage to inform them earlier, use it!

Consider including them.

Just because you’re eloping without your family there in person doesn’t mean you can’t include them in your wedding! There are lots of fun ways to have your peeps be a part of your wedding without being physically present Things like video messages or letters for you and your partner to watch or read through the morning of your wedding day add a nice personal touch. Have your sisters or cousins come with you while you’re dress shopping. Wear your Uncle’s favorite tie during your elopement. You can even stream your ceremony live!

And who says your elopement has to be the end of your wedding celebrations? One of the BEST ways to tell your family that you plan to elope without them there is to let them know you plan to celebrate with them all at a later date. You can keep it small with a backyard dinner and music, or an all-out reception and dance party! Either way, they still get to be a part of your wedding and celebrate your marriage to one another, while you have the elopement that you’ve been dreaming of.

Though sending out Save the Dates isn’t the norm when it comes to elopements, you could send something similar. Rather than it being an invite, include a photo of you two with a card titled “We’re Eloping!” including all your plans for your elopement day and if you do want them to write a letter or anything else.

Most of the negative responses people get to eloping are heavily based on FOMO. For some, these little things will be enough for them and more. For others, they might hold a grudge forever, and that’s not coming from a place of love at all, so don’t let it get you down. You can’t please everyone. But this day is between you, your soon-to-be, and God, so focus on those and you’ll be golden!

Don’t wanna spend money to send out cards? An email is still nice as well! It could look something like this:

Subject: WE’RE ELOPING!

Dear _____,

I’m so stoked to announce that _____ and I are eloping! We’ve given this a lot of thought and decided that eloping is the best choice for us. (Give a simple, confident reason as to why. e.g. Marriage is so important to us, and we are excited to take this next step into the rest of our lives together. So we are choosing to spend our day solely focused on each other without any distractions or obligations that tend to come with a wedding)

(Maybe share briefly your plans — where, when, if someone is going to photograph your day for you to share afterwards, etc.)

Though we aren’t inviting anyone, we would love to include people by having them write letters for us to open and read on our special day. We are so grateful for you and it would mean the world for us if you were to share any words of wisdom or prayers with us as we start this new journey. You can send it here: (insert address)

Love,

_____ + ______

AHHHH! WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!

I’m a photographer, not a writer, but you get the idea! Be bold, be confident, be EXCITED. Most people don’t wanna crash your party just because the FOMO is hitting a bit. It’s when that desire to people please and insecurity in our decisions start showing that people kind of take advantage of that.

What to Expect After You Tell Them

Unfortunately, no matter how you phrase the news of your elopement to your family, you’re likely going to get a variety of different reactions. Some of your family will be excited and supportive of you! Whiiile others will very outspoken on how against it they are…

For the family members that are a little more skeptical and unsure at first, kindly reiterate that this isn’t about them. You and your significant other made this decision together to focus on each other and this huge new step you’re taking together, not to simply rob an experience from them. Still, some family members will outright object to your plan no matter how much you try to prepare them. But remember that this is your wedding day, not theirs. Don’t let anyone guilt you into something you do not want to do.

Some Common Objections:

When you do finally tell your family that you plan on eloping, there is almost always going to be some pushback, big or small. Some of the most common objections from family when you tell them that you’re eloping are:

“It’s not a real wedding.”

“I can’t believe you don’t want us there.”

“We deserve to see you get married.”

“You’re just being selfish.”

“Why would you want to elope?”

“Eloping will lead to divorce.”

And my personal favorite, “You must be pregnant.” Like, so what if I am? It’s none ya business, Aunt Karen.

Again, most objections to eloping are the result of FOMO, or even just misinformation. Sometimes the objection is coming from a place of downright entitlement, and there really isn’t much you can do about that. But it’s of course totally normal for your family to want to be present for your wedding. And at the end of the day, it’s actually a good thing that they want to as it’s usually a sign they care! And while it may hurt to have some family members call your choice into question, remember, remember, remember, that this day isn’t about them. They did or will make the decisions for their own day, just as you are.

There is so much freedom when it comes to eloping that you can really do anything YOU want to do.

You can have all the classic wedding day activities like cutting the cake, exchanging rings, a first dance, etc. Or you can do none of those things and just go on an adventure with the love of your life and say “I do”. That’s why elopements are so beautiful, you can make your wedding day perfectly tailored to what you want to do. Keep that in mind when responding to these objections, and try to explain your vision and why it is that you want this for your wedding day.

It’s totally normal to feel stressed when thinking about telling your family that you plan on eloping. You need to remember that your wedding isn’t meant to be what other people want it to be. It’s meant to be about you and your partner and the love you share for one another. However you want to celebrate that love is 100% your choice. Whether it’s an elopement or a more traditional wedding, you shouldn’t feel any guilt one way or the other.

For more tips on eloping head over to my Instagram and check out some of my reels, and if you’re looking for a photographer for your elopement or intimate wedding, head over to my contact page so we can plan out your dream day!